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“Strong and Informed: Dating Safety”
A 6 minute video for women on recognizing and responding to abuse, ways to help, and resources. In English. This video is captioned, and the transcript is included below.
Click here to download it in Windows Media format (11 mb download).
Click here to download it in Quicktime format (15 mb download).
All of our videos are also available at http://www.youtube.com/widcape
Transcript:
Jessica: Dating is such a big deal! It should be fun. But there’s a lot to learn to make it go well.
Brenda: I know. Young women might be at risk on dates. They don’t know how to handle guys or know much about sex yet.
Jessica: When you add a disability, it gets even more complicated! Disabled girls may have trouble communicating. A girl may be deaf or have a speech impairment. Or be weaker, use crutches or a wheelchair.
Carla: If she’s blind, she still needs to watch out!
Alice: Very funny! But its true!
Whitney: Should I expect something bad to happen? We have enough to worry about!
Jessica: I don’t mean to scare you. But some girls may not know that if something bad starts to happen, they can stop it. So she’s hooking up with a guy. But he gets too worked up; he could get pushy, not pay attention to what SHE wants.
Alice: A disabled girl might feel bad about herself, think she deserves bad treatment. Sometimes girls are lonely. They may get the message they should be grateful for any attention—even if it’s bad attention. Parents over-protect kids. They think we don’t need to know anything about sex. What a set up! I wish parents could realize all girls need information about sex. Disabled girls especially need the info. They’re most vulnerable to sexual abuse. Some girls need extra help learning. They need extra help learning about sex too.
Whitney: What is sexual abuse?
Alice: Any kind of mistreatment related to sex. It can mean rape. Rape is when a man forces his penis, finger, or an object into a woman’s vagina or anus when she doesn’t want that. Or, when he forces his penis into her mouth. Rape is usually done by someone she knows. But it could also be by a stranger.
Whitney: How do you know all this?
Alice: I went to the training at the Rape Crisis Center.
Carla: Aren’t you smart!
Alice: You can go to the training too. Other bad stuff can happen. If a woman is forced to have sex against her will. Not okay! If she is touched between her legs or on her breasts without saying she wants that. That is not okay! If she’s told she can only get the help she needs if she has sex with someone.
Brenda: That’s terrible!
Alice: If a woman is forced to look at or be in dirty pictures, or watch other people have sex.
Whitney: That’s not okay.
Alice: If she’s forced to listen to sexual jokes or talk.
Jessica: That’s not okay.
Alice: If she’s forced to have sex with a boss so she can so she can keep her job.
Carla: That’s not okay. I heard a girl had sex with a teacher so she could pass her course.
Jessica: Oh, my god! Does that happen?
Carla: Sorry to break it to you! It’s very rare, most teachers are trustworthy!
Jessica: I hope so!
Whitney: What is date rape?
Brenda: When a woman is forced to have sex on a date. Young women may not be able to explain or even understand what happened. Don’t ever get in a car with a guy you don’t know well.
Jessica: Whoa! That’s a biggie!
Brenda: If a guy gets her drunk or high so she can’t think if she really wants sex, that’s rape too.
Carla: Yeah, I know. It happened to one of my best friends!
Whitney: Oh my gosh! That’s awful!
Carla: A couple of years ago, she went on a date with this older guy, trying to be cool. She knew she shouldn’t have been alone with him. He forced her.
Whitney: Did she go to the police?!
Carla: Yeah. I went with her. I was so glad I was there; she couldn’t have gone through that alone. We called first. The police said don’t take a shower or change clothes. The guy’s sperm is evidence you were raped. I went with her to the hospital. A nurse and a Rape Crisis counselor helped her. You can still report it later, even if you don’t right away. Sometimes women are just too scared to say anything right away. My friend said she felt so stupid and embarrassed.
Brenda: Oh, how awful for her, but it wasn’t really her fault!
Carla: Well, her family didn’t see it that way. They were so upset! They weren’t very supportive, either.
Brenda: That’s so sad. My mom would be good if it happened to me. Sometimes a family blames the woman. They think it’s a disgrace to the family! They may not even want to know!
Whitney: I couldn’t imagine my mom not knowing.
Carla: I guess you have to decide if they can help you.
Whitney: You deserve someone who can listen and not blame you. A nurse, a counselor, an older friend.
Carla: She went to a counselor. They told her it’s not her fault. And to talk to her friends she could trust. I know she cried a lot! We listened and helped her think about how to go ahead with life. Please, don’t try to figure out who it is, okay? It’s important to keep this confidential; you understand, don’t you?
Alice: Of course! All agreed?
All: Yeah!
Alice: What happened with the police? Did she go to court?
Carla: They told her don’t try to defend the guy who did this. Other women should know he is dangerous. She had to identify him.
Alice: How scary! You’d have to be strong!
Brenda: I’ll bet sometimes disabled women aren’t believed by the police.
Carla: Maybe, but lots of disabled women have won in court! I think it’s worth the pain of telling the story again. We owe it to other women to get that guy off the street!
Whitney: Rape can get you pregnant. What a nightmare!
Brenda: Rape can cause sexually transmitted diseases like HIV and AIDS and hepatitis.
Jessica: I know, and young women need to know about safe sex.
Whitney: That is so true. Is your friend okay?
Carla: Well, a woman who is raped needs to keep talking about it with people who care about her, for a long time after. She shouldn’t feel like she has to “get over it”.
Alice: I’m glad you told us. And I’m glad she has a friend like you.
Carla: Yeah, me too. Because of what happened to her, I’m planning to get training as a rape crisis counselor. We have to stick together, and help each other.
Narrator: You are in charge! Say no if you mean no!
If you get hurt by sex, get help! Don’t be alone with it!
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the Rape Crisis Hot Line in your state.
Click here to download it in Windows Media format (11 mb download).
Click here to download it in Quicktime format (15 mb download).
All of our videos are also available at http://www.youtube.com/widcape
Transcript:
Jessica: Dating is such a big deal! It should be fun. But there’s a lot to learn to make it go well.
Brenda: I know. Young women might be at risk on dates. They don’t know how to handle guys or know much about sex yet.
Jessica: When you add a disability, it gets even more complicated! Disabled girls may have trouble communicating. A girl may be deaf or have a speech impairment. Or be weaker, use crutches or a wheelchair.
Carla: If she’s blind, she still needs to watch out!
Alice: Very funny! But its true!
Whitney: Should I expect something bad to happen? We have enough to worry about!
Jessica: I don’t mean to scare you. But some girls may not know that if something bad starts to happen, they can stop it. So she’s hooking up with a guy. But he gets too worked up; he could get pushy, not pay attention to what SHE wants.
Alice: A disabled girl might feel bad about herself, think she deserves bad treatment. Sometimes girls are lonely. They may get the message they should be grateful for any attention—even if it’s bad attention. Parents over-protect kids. They think we don’t need to know anything about sex. What a set up! I wish parents could realize all girls need information about sex. Disabled girls especially need the info. They’re most vulnerable to sexual abuse. Some girls need extra help learning. They need extra help learning about sex too.
Whitney: What is sexual abuse?
Alice: Any kind of mistreatment related to sex. It can mean rape. Rape is when a man forces his penis, finger, or an object into a woman’s vagina or anus when she doesn’t want that. Or, when he forces his penis into her mouth. Rape is usually done by someone she knows. But it could also be by a stranger.
Whitney: How do you know all this?
Alice: I went to the training at the Rape Crisis Center.
Carla: Aren’t you smart!
Alice: You can go to the training too. Other bad stuff can happen. If a woman is forced to have sex against her will. Not okay! If she is touched between her legs or on her breasts without saying she wants that. That is not okay! If she’s told she can only get the help she needs if she has sex with someone.
Brenda: That’s terrible!
Alice: If a woman is forced to look at or be in dirty pictures, or watch other people have sex.
Whitney: That’s not okay.
Alice: If she’s forced to listen to sexual jokes or talk.
Jessica: That’s not okay.
Alice: If she’s forced to have sex with a boss so she can so she can keep her job.
Carla: That’s not okay. I heard a girl had sex with a teacher so she could pass her course.
Jessica: Oh, my god! Does that happen?
Carla: Sorry to break it to you! It’s very rare, most teachers are trustworthy!
Jessica: I hope so!
Whitney: What is date rape?
Brenda: When a woman is forced to have sex on a date. Young women may not be able to explain or even understand what happened. Don’t ever get in a car with a guy you don’t know well.
Jessica: Whoa! That’s a biggie!
Brenda: If a guy gets her drunk or high so she can’t think if she really wants sex, that’s rape too.
Carla: Yeah, I know. It happened to one of my best friends!
Whitney: Oh my gosh! That’s awful!
Carla: A couple of years ago, she went on a date with this older guy, trying to be cool. She knew she shouldn’t have been alone with him. He forced her.
Whitney: Did she go to the police?!
Carla: Yeah. I went with her. I was so glad I was there; she couldn’t have gone through that alone. We called first. The police said don’t take a shower or change clothes. The guy’s sperm is evidence you were raped. I went with her to the hospital. A nurse and a Rape Crisis counselor helped her. You can still report it later, even if you don’t right away. Sometimes women are just too scared to say anything right away. My friend said she felt so stupid and embarrassed.
Brenda: Oh, how awful for her, but it wasn’t really her fault!
Carla: Well, her family didn’t see it that way. They were so upset! They weren’t very supportive, either.
Brenda: That’s so sad. My mom would be good if it happened to me. Sometimes a family blames the woman. They think it’s a disgrace to the family! They may not even want to know!
Whitney: I couldn’t imagine my mom not knowing.
Carla: I guess you have to decide if they can help you.
Whitney: You deserve someone who can listen and not blame you. A nurse, a counselor, an older friend.
Carla: She went to a counselor. They told her it’s not her fault. And to talk to her friends she could trust. I know she cried a lot! We listened and helped her think about how to go ahead with life. Please, don’t try to figure out who it is, okay? It’s important to keep this confidential; you understand, don’t you?
Alice: Of course! All agreed?
All: Yeah!
Alice: What happened with the police? Did she go to court?
Carla: They told her don’t try to defend the guy who did this. Other women should know he is dangerous. She had to identify him.
Alice: How scary! You’d have to be strong!
Brenda: I’ll bet sometimes disabled women aren’t believed by the police.
Carla: Maybe, but lots of disabled women have won in court! I think it’s worth the pain of telling the story again. We owe it to other women to get that guy off the street!
Whitney: Rape can get you pregnant. What a nightmare!
Brenda: Rape can cause sexually transmitted diseases like HIV and AIDS and hepatitis.
Jessica: I know, and young women need to know about safe sex.
Whitney: That is so true. Is your friend okay?
Carla: Well, a woman who is raped needs to keep talking about it with people who care about her, for a long time after. She shouldn’t feel like she has to “get over it”.
Alice: I’m glad you told us. And I’m glad she has a friend like you.
Carla: Yeah, me too. Because of what happened to her, I’m planning to get training as a rape crisis counselor. We have to stick together, and help each other.
Narrator: You are in charge! Say no if you mean no!
If you get hurt by sex, get help! Don’t be alone with it!
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the Rape Crisis Hot Line in your state.