Nina: Sometimes I hear people talk about how they put up with abuse by people who help them because they think they cannot do anything about it.

Marta: Carla told me a couple of days ago that she saw her son taking money from her purse.

Nina: Steve told me his attendant stole his medication, repeatedly.

Marta: Remember Dave? His family used to yell at him and call him a “lazy cripple”. They keep the phone out of his reach. That is not okay!

Nina: And there are even more difficult situations. Carla told me her attendant touched her in ways that made her feel uncomfortable. She didn’t know how to respond and so just let it pass.

Marta: We have to define our own limits and make them clear. But sometimes you can’t predict what’s going to happen. Mike and his attendant had a good relationship. Until this guy started arguing and then he beat Mike up. He had to call the police. He felt terrible afterwards.

Nina: He did the right thing. It’s hard to report someone close to you who you rely on. At least that doesn’t happen very often. Most attendants are great.

Marta: What about when family members try to take over the care?

Nina: It’s tricky to know how to handle that. You don’t want to offend family members or people you rely on.

Marta: Sometimes my boyfriend does some controlling things. He knows I can’t leave easily if I want to. He left the other day when I really needed help. Wasn’t this abusive?

Nina: It’s a red flag if you feel controlled by him. It’s great that you are sharing this with me.

Marta: Yeah. But what can a person do when they are stuck in these situations?

Nina: First we don’t have to face this on our own. There are people we can talk to. A friend …a social worker….. a health care provider…. It could also be a minister or rabbi or any other spiritual leader.

Marta: Right. And you can also report to the National Domestic Violent Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If someone is in immediate danger, they should call the police, at 911.

Nina: We don’t have to put up with abuse! Get help! Tell someone you trust! Keep telling until you are safe!